March 23, 2010

I just finished watching Obama sign the Health Care bill not even 15 minutes ago. I feel today is a historic day, and hopefully this bill will change healthcare for the better and make going to a doctor or getting a prescription a bit easier for most average Americans.

For me, this means I can stay on my parents insurance until the age of 26. No longer do I have to worry about trying to find full-time work to try and find a way to get insurance while I'm going to school full time. No student should have to try and worry about insurance if they are trying to work hard to benefit themselves and the society of tomorrow.

To all those who oppose the healthcare bill (though I'm fairly certain nobody is reading this, whether republican, democrat, or otherwise) I would like to say that I know some are ready to point their finger, to scream "I told you so!", to rub it in your faces. Personally, I don't feel like it is my place to do so. In return though, I feel like it is nobody's place to slander the president, to make him out to be a socialist or a communist or a nazi. His intentions are good; he's trying to help the American people. Like it or not, he is our leader, and anyway, we have no control over the healthcare bill as it is, so pointing fingers is utterly useless.

Hopefully this will work out in the best interest of the American people, and if not, well, that's what democracy is for, isn't it? If we don't like something, there's always the option to repeal it. At least we can say we tried.

Enough of that, I . not to get too political if I can help it. The truth is, I don't know enough about any of this stuff to really make a true decision about how I feel. I'll just have to see it play out.

So anyway...

My life has been pretty hectic lately. Timothy is still living here, taking far too many liberties as I believe are allotted to him, and running around like he owns the place. But not in a bad way...I mean I guess it sounds bad when I say it like that but it's really not. He's being nice and trying to control his drinking, I'm just having trouble letting go of the past. But he is helping me with my room, which is something I'm trying not to take for granted. I appreciate it, really.

My room could possibly be done by this time next week. The carpet I ordered is in, now all we have to do is install it. And finish painting the room and the furniture, buy and install the light fixtures, buy sockets and socket covers, hang curtains, blinds, and bedding, clean, dust, sweep, polish, and rest. A bit overwhelming, yes, but I believe it is worth it.

Speaking of overwhelming, Sunday I spend $150 on lights! Wow! Definitely the most I've ever spent for something so menial. But they are pretty sweet. They're kind of like movie theater lights for my steps, because they get pretty dark considering the paint on the walls is pretty dark and we live in Ohio, which means we get no sunlight.

I'm actually supposed to be at the library right now, returning a tape that I've already got 50 cents worth of overdue fines on and picking up some books so I can write a paper, but the cold and wind and gray skies have really got me in the mood to just stay at home. I'll get to it eventually I suppose.

We're supposed to have easter at my house, but Grandma Judy says as long as Timothy is here, she wont come. I really can't say I blame her. Mom says she'll have a talk with her, but we all know that wont happen. In the meantime, grandma Judy, mom, me, and Renee are all supposed to go to this plant place (I forget what it's called...I've never been there) to look for a Bonsai tree for my room. I've heard they're really hard to take care of, I hope I don't kill it.

Emily's mad at me. Again. She wants to hang out so often. I know I've been unavailable lately, but having my room in shambles is kind of ruining me. It's my own personal space and it's destroyed. I believe it's kind of understandable why I would devote every night to trying to get it back in order. I need to have my comfort zone reconstructed as soon as possible. It may sould selfish, but if I have to sacrifice time with Emily to do so, I will. Plus, she works 40 hours a week. Her schedule is totally full, how am I supposed to find time for her? In a week or so when my room is done there will be time again. Right now I just need to rebuild my personal space before I go crazy.

That's all from my end for today, I think.

Love & Literature

Natalie

March 16, 2010

I haven't written here in a long time. I guess I just haven't had much to say. Nothings really happening in my life right now.

I get up, I go to school, I get out a couple nights a week, I do my homework, and I come home. It's a pretty boring existence, but I seriously have no complaints at all. I'm happy living like this, happy for the first time in a long time. I'm glad I made it back to school. Even though I don't have many (ok...any) friends there, I enjoy the time I spend there. I'm working towards a goal, which is something I haven't done in a long time. My life has purpose for once , and even though it's nothing spectacular, I'm glad to be working towards something.

Ok, so what's been happening lately? Mom lost her job because her boss is a dick, but she starts a new one tomorrow where she has to wear her grown-up clothes every day so it's all ok.

Timothy moved out in November, the same month Daisy died. In fact, he moved out 1 day before she died, which was sudden and heartbreaking. It's the reason Holli is so much worse now. She lost Timothy and Daisy pretty much the same day. It's not long for her either, but she'll be with Daisy soon, so I have no right to be angry or upset about it.

My parents divorce was final January 7, 2010. A new year, a new beginning. She got a bit too close to her friend Todd in my opinion. She wasn't completely truthful (and still isn't really) about what their relationship was and what it really meant, which pissed me off. If she wanted to be in a relationship, that's ok, but don't tell Todd that you're a couple, and tell your children that you're just friends. That's not fair to anyone.

Timothy moved back in about 2 weeks ago. He left his girlfriends house and really didn't have anywhere else to go. So mom took him back. I don't think she's being completely serious about her relationship with him either. Do I think they're more than just friends right now? No. Do I think they both intend to one day in the near future get back together? Yes. I must admit, he seems to have changed. He drinks about 1-2 days a week now, and he isn't really mean when he's drunk. However, I firmly believe that without help there is no way he will ever be sober, and it's only a matter of time before he's back to being in his own ways.

My Grandma owns a house that she rents out. Her renters just moved out, after destroying the place, so after the renovations, Timothy plans to move in there. Nobody is in a big rush to get him out of our basement. Not the adults, I should say. Sometimes it's hard being the only person in our little microcosm who sees things clearly and without emotional cloudiness. I would speak to her, but it does no good, so for now I'm just along for the ride. I will say this though, it's not as bad as it was before, and I tolerate living with him just fine. As long as it is a short-term situation.

I've decided that as long as I get into Mount Union, I will start going there in the fall. I'll elaborate more on that as the situation progresses...right now it's in the very beginning stages.

Renee's going back to school...but it's pretty much the same story. I'll explain more as it unfolds, as she hasn't talked to anyone at Brown Mackie yet, where she plans to go.

In the mean time, I'll continue working towards my degree in English literature and I'll continue to move with the current to see where life takes me.

Love & Literature,

Natalie

Good and bad

I've been doing good and bad at the same time lately. Or I guess I should say I've been neither. Every day is different.

On the bright side, I got the futon for my room =]. Walking through walmart with a huge box like that was pretty embarrassing though, I'm sure everyone was staring, that was awkward. But that was a couple days ago. It took us like 3 hours to put together, but I like it a lot and my room doesn't look so bare anymore =]. I got my old trunk out of storage as a makeshift coffee table and now it looks like people live here! So yay!

Me and Em have been like fighting-ish lately. She really wants to go out and buy stuff like deodorant and face wash and like travel toothbrushes and stuff to leave at each others house with a pair of pajamas so that way if we ever want to spend the night at each other's house we can without packing. At first it sounded like a good idea but then I realized I've spent the night at her house like a billion times and I never forget stuff and it's never a big hassle to pack it. So yesterday when I said I didn't want to waste the money she said I was ruining the fun. Well excuse me Emily, but I don't make enough money to just waste it because it's fun. Plus I just dropped $100 on a futon. Sooooo yeah.

Also! I can not stop reading Questionable Content comics!!!! I started at the beginning and wasted 2 weeks of my life catching up on the story! Hours of my life I will never get back, but it's worth it they're sooooooo entertaining!!!!!!!!!!! So if you're reading this (which I'm pretty sure nobody reads this, but whatever =]) go read QC! Start at the beginning and don't stop until you reach today! bahhh I love Hannelore! She's so OCD and hilarious!

Ok, well it's labor day, but I wasted all of yesterday so I gotta do everything today.
bahhhh

Feeling a little bit better.

Yesterday I went to the Stark County Fair with Em. I haven't gone in like 2 years because of my anxiety. But yesterday I went and me and Em spent an hour there, and I petted animals and had fun =]. I even managed to eat a corn dog, and I'm not so good with eating in public. The key was going during the day. Everything was visible and it wasn't too crowded. I would post pictures, but seriously, I only got pictures of chickens and pumpkins and they were taken on my phone. I don't know what I was thinking.

I've decided I'm buying a futon for my room. I'm the only person I know that has a network of people that tell them they don't have enough reckless fun with their money. My mom and my sister were like Jeez if you want a futon, get one! Spend some money for once! Live a little! So as soon as I can find some time to borrow a truck, I'm going to get one. So there.

My job search is kinda on hold. I'm afraid getting a job will just play up my anxieties.

Maybe I just need to grow the fuck up and do it.

Timothy: 4 billion Natalie: 1

My father has been a particular butthole lately. The other day he commented that he lives with 3 fat bitches, me, my sister, and my mom. So yesterday when he was sloppily piling leftovers in his mouth he commented that he liked my chicken. I responded with "Yeah, the fat bitch is good for something, isn't she?" He was literally speechless. Timothy: 4 billion, Natalie: 1. I did the victory dance when I got to my room =].

Yesterday I made some lovely cheddar dill cornbread and I've been snacking on it like it's going out of style. I just had some warmed up mashed potatoes and a piece of cold cornbread for lunch, which was very tasty.

Today, I plan on searching for a job, and a couch. Since Renee moved out of my room, it seems empty. It just doesn't have enough stuff in it. It was not a room meant for one person. So I figured, I have room for a couch, and it would provide somewhere to sit besides my bed, and a rickety computer chair when I have friends over.

Button had a major freakout last night because school and work leave her with no time to do homework. But she can't really cut down on hours at work, she just bought a new car. I guess that might have been a bad decision. She's going to be pulling a lot of all-nighters. Button is Emily, by the way. That's her nickname.

I got in touch with Liz last night to see if she wanted to hang out this weekend since we really haven't hung out since she moved into her dorm. She's loving life as far as I can tell, but then again she pretty much always does.

And what can I say about me? I'm still pretty much a shut-in. I really don't get out. The Stark County fair is coming in the next week or so, and I'm hoping to get out and do that to try and combat my fear of crowds and strange people. I haven't been to the fair in a couple years because of my fear of crowds, so hopefully this is a step towards recovery.

Yesterday was the 1-week mark of when I dropped out of school. I can't believe I let my anxiesties get the better of me.

My throat hurts today.

I don't feel like writing today. Everyone's first day of school was today and it's a bit depressing. Plus my throat really hurts and I just can't function when my throat hurts.

Maybe tomorrow.

The movie was totally a mixed bag.

Last night me and Em set out to go see our first drive-in movie. We paid 5 bucks and got to see a double feature of Halloween 2, and then The Hangover. We really didn't watch Halloween 2 because it was scary, so the first movie we just talked and ate snacks in our pajamas. Then the hangover was really funny and we paid attention to that one. If you haven't see it, go do it, because it was a really awesome and funny movie.

The only thing is, Em's parents got real neurotic and kept calling her and saying she had to be home by 11:30, even though the second movie didn't 'start until 10:30 and we were 25 minutes away. And then they were saying they were going to take her car away and all this stuff. Then this morning it continued. They were saying that they thought she was a blessing when she was born but now they just don't know what to think and all this stuff. She's 19. Leave her alone. Plus her parents totally love and trust me, and they knew where we were, and so what was the big deal? After hours of yelling at her today, all of a sudden her mom just dropped it and said nevermind, forget about the punishment. Talk about bi-polar.

Last night at the movie, I brought along whales, which are like goldfish crackers but generic, and I think they have more flavor. And they're cheaper =]. But all Em kept saying was how much she liked them and stuff. So today I went out and bought her some at the dollar store. Also, her favorite drink in the world is Dr. Pepper, and I found some popcicles flavored like Dr. Pepper for $1, so I bought those too. So for 2 dollars Em will have a good start to her first day of school tomorrow =].

Today we started making our own spaghetti sauce. We went to amish country yesterday and bought a whole shitload of tomatoes and green peppers and onions and garlic. So we are currently making our own spaghetti sauce and it is making the whole house smell good =]. Plus, it really didn't take too long or make too big of a mess.







That's my mom in her scrubby clothes cutting tomatoes =]






That's my arm! And my tattoo! We blended everything to get the sauce all smooth.




My mom teaching my sister, Renee, how to chop garlic.





It's been simmering in my kitchen for about 5 hours now. Tomorrow we get to put it in jars and store it for the winter. We're like squirrels =].