I have good days, and I have bad days. Mostly bad days, it would seem.

For every 2-3 bad days, a good day usually creeps its way in. Good thing too, because really, without the good days, I don't know how I would function. Not that what I'm doing can technically be called "functioning", but it's the best I got for now.

Ever since I dropped out of college, I've just been wallowing in a mixture of my own self-pity, and cheeto dust. Most people were nice to me, saying things like "Oh it's ok, I didn't go this semester either! Just go whenever you feel you're ready!" There were a couple patronizing people "Yeah...sure...just because you're not ready, that's doesn't mean you're a baby or anything *sarcastic eye-roll*". And of course, there were a couple choice people telling me to grow some balls and get over it.

I understand how easy it can be to say things like that. Especially to someone who has never experienced self-confidence issues, let alone full-blown social anxiety. Most people just don't understand. "I get it. People make you nervous. But people are nice. Just go out and make some friends!" Easier said than done. When the concept of talking to people- even nice, relatively harmless people- makes your palms sweat, all the blood rush to your face, makes the world turn topsy-turvy, and makes you want to run home and hide under your bed, going to a college with 27,000 students seem a little overwhelming.

What was I thinking?

I should have known I needed to start out slow. The worst thing, I think, is the people that assume because I dropped out of The University of Akron, that not only am I not going now, but I'm not going ever.

So for those people who believe everything you're told, I'm going next semester, and I'm going to Kent State Stark. Don't believe anything else you hear.

So for now, I'm just a bum. I've been looking for a job, but when you're afraid of people, that kinda gets in the way.

I wish the people around me didn't think my anxieties were just "in my head" ( which is actually pretty ironic, because it is really in my head. That's the problem. But I think you know what I mean.)

Today I'm making my first trip to scout out Kent State Stark. My biggest fear is that I'll get up there and feel just the same way about it that I felt about Akron. I can't be afraid of every school out there.